Monday, June 21, 2010

Witness: Obama Was Conceived in the U.S.

(HONOLULU, HI) - by Robert Feeley - SPN Headlines - The constitutional requirement that the president of the United States must be a "natural-born citizen" continues to be the focus of debate regarding Barack Obama's qualifications to hold the office. Recently, evangelical Christian scholars have complicated the issue by insisting that the commander-in-chief must also have been conceived within American borders.


That concern has apparently been resolved as a witness came forward this week and said that Obama's inebriated parents "did the wild thing" one night in November, 1960 in a Waikiki nightclub as Don Ho sang Tiny Bubbles. Retired bartender Clyde Comoniwanalaya testified before the Senate Committee on Inane Conspiracy Theories that this union resulted in our 44th president. Comoniwanalaya also told senators that he once served a pina colada to Saint Matthew.


The testimony convinced evangelical scholar Pastor Billy Bob Bodine who spoke with SPN saying, "personally I think my Beagle would do a better job as president, but if Obama's seed was planted on U.S. soil then I guess he can keep the job."

However, while Hillary Clinton’s biography lists her birthplace as Chicago in 1947, Bodine notes the eerie coincidence involving the crash of an alien spacecraft at Area 51 the same year, and says it supports his theory that Clinton is a direct descendant of evil zombies from outer space.

While there was some controversy about Senator John McCain’s birth in the Panama Canal Zone in 1936, his office released a statement clearing up the matter which said "John's true birthplace should be recorded as the submarine base at New London, Connecticut, because while stationed there the senator's father delivered the torpedo necessary to qualify him for the nations highest office."

Chronic candidate Ralph Nader was conceived in Winsted, Connecticut as the result of a defective condom. He later won a multi-million dollar judgment against the prophylactic manufacturer in one of the most ironic product liability cases in U.S. history.





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