Sunday, January 10, 2010

Columbo visits the White House...


Ah, sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir....
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I know
you're busy, and important, and stuff. I mean, running the
country is very important and -- ah -- I hate to bother you, Sir.

I will only take a minute. Ok, Sir?

See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was
wondering, Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and
help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and
things.

Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on
TV all the time and says, boy, she wishes she had digs like this,
you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow! I saw something like that in a museum once.

Oh, sorry Sir.. I didn't mean to get off the track.

So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I
will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and
maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever
been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn't think so...

Well, listen, anyway, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "Not released" or "Not available." I'm sure it's just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could tell me where
these things are -- I have them written down here somewhere --
oh wait. I'll just read it to you.

Could you please help me find these things, Sir?

1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "Not available"
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- Not available
8. Your Illinois State Senate records -- Not available
9. Law practice client list -- Not released
10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
12. Record of your baptism -- Not available
13. Why your wife, Michelle, can no longer practice law as an attorney?
(Insurance Fraud?)
14. Why your wife has 22 assistants, when other First Ladies had
one?
15. Why were you getting "foreign student aid" as a college student?
16. Which country's "passport" did you have when you visited Pakistan in
1981?
Oh and one more thing Mr. President, I can't seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir?

Oh, but hey -- listen! I know you're busy! If this is too much for you right now -- I mean -- tell you what. I'll come back tomorrow. Give you some
time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you're busy. I'll just let myself out. I'll be back tomorrow. And the day after....
What's that Mr. President?

Who wants to know these things?

We the People of the United States of America!
You know, the ones that vote!
SEND THIS OUT TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS....

I (WE) WANT TO KNOW!!!!

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